Some of my favourite books about strong women are fantasy books, others are thrillers, action books, literary fiction, and biographies.

Read on for some of my favourite books about strong women (which are also perfect books for strong women to read), including books from Madeline Miller to Maya Angelou, Philip Pullman to Katherine Arden.

I hope you can find some new additions to your to-read list that will give you some inspiration, escapism, and a kick in the butt to be a badass in your own life.

The most empowering books about strong women to read

1. Northern Lights by Philip Pullman

My reading of His Dark Materials as a child was like my experiences of Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia: magical, warming, and otherworldly.

As an adult, re-reading the series was just as meaningful, if not more so – there’s so much I could only understand those years later. I also remembered how much I love Lyra. She’s stubborn, caring, and strong, especially in the first half of the series before she reaches the self-consciousness that comes with early adulthood.

The first book of the series is Northern Lights, which is a perfect book to read in winter.

2. Galatea by Madeline Miller

I could’ve easily chosen Circe for this list of books about strong women, but to shake things up I’ll choose this short story by Madeline Miller.

In this tiny little book, Madeline Miller boldly reimagines the myth of Galatea and Pygmalion. Galatea (“she who is milk-white”) is the most beautiful woman her town has ever seen, carved from stone by Pygmalion, here a skilled marble sculptor, and blessed with the gift of life by a goddess.

Pygmalion expects Galatea to please him with her youthful beauty and humble obedience, but in Madeline Miller’s retelling, Galatea has desires of her own. She yearns for independence – and knows she must break free to rescue her daughter, whatever the cost. Here’s my review of Galatea.

3. Letter To My Daughter by Maya Angelou

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it,” wrote Maya Angelou in this genre-transcending guidebook, memoir, and gift to inspire all readers to craft a life with courage and meaning.

Letter to My Daughter is Maya Angelou’s offering for her “thousands of daughters,” even though she gave birth to one child, a son.

“You are Black and White, Jewish and Muslim, Asian, Spanish speaking, Native Americans and Aleut. You are fat and thin and pretty and plain, gay and straight, educated and unlettered, and I am speaking to you all.”

4. The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

The Priory of the Orange Tree is an enthralling, epic fantasy about a divided world on the brink of war – and the women who must lead the fight to save it.

I read this book on The Trans-Siberian Railway between Moscow and Russia, and it was the perfect choice for long days with a book as the remote landscape rolled past.

It’s a big book with an even bigger universe inside to explore, including fantastic women and LGBT rulers and protagonists. A sequel, A Day of Fallen Night, is due for release in February 2023.

5. The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

If there’s a Nordic equivalent to Circe by Madeline Miller, it’s The Mercies. Set in the winter of 1617, the sea around the remote Norwegian island of Vardø is thrown into a vicious storm.

A young woman, Maren Magnusdatter, watches as the men of the island, out fishing, perish in an instant.

The island is now a place of strong women, and The Mercies is a tale of what follows in the beautiful, brutal environment.

6. Enchantress of Numbers by Jennifer Chiaverini

Ada Lovelace was destined for fame long before her birth, as the only legitimate child of the most brilliant and scandalous of the Romantic poets: Lord Byron.

However, her strict and educated mother had different ideas for her daughter – and succeeded. The rigorous mathematical education she gave Ada would steer her towards the work and observations that led to her (largely unheralded) legacy as the first computer programmer.

In Enchantress of Numbers, a “novel of Ada Lovelace”, Jennifer Chiaverini masterfully unveils the passions, dreams, and insatiable thirst for knowledge of a pioneer in computing,

7. The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

At the edge of the Russian wilderness, winter lasts most of the year and the snowdrifts grow taller than houses. But Vasilisa doesn’t mind – she spends the winter nights huddled around the embers of a fire with her siblings, listening to her nurse’s fairy tales.

As danger circles her home, Vasilisa must call on her strength and summon dangerous gifts she has long concealed to protect her family.

The Bear and the Nightingale is a Russian fairytale version of Spirited Away; magical, wintery, and infused with courage.

8. The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper

The Wolf Den is the gripping tale of Amara, the beloved daughter of a doctor in Greece until her father’s sudden death plunged her mother into destitution.

Now, Amara is a slave and prostitute in Pompeii’s notorious Wolf Den brothel. But intelligent and resourceful, and buoyed by the sisterhood she forges with the brothel’s other women, Amara’s spirit isn’t broken.

In this book about strong women (which has similar vibes to Madeline Miller’s books), Amara finds solace in the laughter and hopes of the women around her, realising that the city is alive with opportunity, even for the lowest-born slave.

However, freedom comes with a price – and she’ll need to find the courage and ingenuity to pay it.

9. Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

Octavia E. Butler wrote about race and gender at a time when science fiction was almost exclusively the domain of men. You can pick up any of her novels and find a strong fictional role model, but Parable of the Sower is a great starting point.

The badass protagonist is a teenage girl who spends most of the story disguised as a man while the world around her crumbles – a world that, despite being crafted in 1993, is eerily similar to our own. If you loved The Handmaid’s Tale, read Parable of the Sower next.

10. The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Becky Chambers has one of the most unique voices in fiction right now, creating wonderfully hopeful and cozy sci-fi that feels as comforting as a hot cup of tea.

Her first book, The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet is full of strong and well-rounded female characters. In a motley crew on an exciting journey through space, Rosemary Harper, one adventurous young explorer, realises that this crazy environment is exactly what she wants and needs.

On board the Wayfarer, Rosemary discovers the meaning of family, love, and trust in the far reaches of the universe. I loved escaping into this heartwarming and feel-good world crafted by the author of the 2021 novel A Psalm for the Wild-Built.

For more books about strong women, complement this post with my collection of the best books like Circe by Madeline Miller.

The post 10 of the best books about strong women to inspire your courage appeared first on Tolstoy Therapy.

“Read Emily Dickinson. Read Graham Greene. Read Italo Calvino. Read Maya Angelou. Read anything you want. Just read. Books are possibilities. They are Escape Routes. They give you options when you have none. Each one can be a home for an uprooted mind.” 

– Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

When I’m facing depression, going through a hard time, or just plain feeling hopeless, I know deep inside that I just need to keep going – it will get better. But that isn’t always easy to remember. On the worst days, it can feel like there’s no point even trying. Sometimes giving up feels like the only option.

But there are some things I can do to make it easier when life is hard. In the past, seeking out therapy has been the best gift I could allow myself. It’s the starting point for recovery, and I’d highly recommend you start there as soon as possible.

In addition to this, though, there are also smaller things I can do to help myself. I can pour a good cup of tea. Get outside. Spend time with loved ones. And, of course, read.

Literature is humankind’s archive for every emotion out there – joy, love, depression, loss, excitement, heartbreak, regret, pain, suffering. It’s the best value-for-money life coach you’ll ever get your hands on. Books can comfort us where we are, show us how to get to where we want to be, and give us the inspiration, confidence, and self-belief we need to keep going. They can take us on a direct flight into a whole new world, departing as soon as you turn the first page.

Some of the best types of books to read when everything seems hopeless are books that help you take care of yourself, books that remind you of the beauty of the world, and immersive books that you can escape into for a little while.

Below are my favourite bibliotherapy books for the hardest days when everything feels hopeless. I hope these novels, memoirs, and self-help books can help you to be extra kind to yourself, find some more hope, and bring you comfort. If you can, make a place for books alongside your self-care, community, and what brights light into your life. They won’t solve everything, but they can help.

A first-aid kit of books to read when everything seems hopeless

1. Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May

I recently received an email from a reader who wanted my book recommendations for the really hard days – those when you’re in a deep depression and struggling to get out of bed, let alone tick anything off your to-do list. The first book I recommended was Wintering by Katherine May.

It’s a beautiful and comforting book about rest and retreat in difficult times, exploring how we can navigate the “winters” that should be seen as just as acceptable as sunny, happy, and high-energy days. Here’s one quote I love from Wintering:

“When I started feeling the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favoured child: with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reasonable and that my feelings were signals of something important. I kept myself well fed and made sure I was getting enough sleep. I took myself for walks in the fresh air and spent time doing things that soothed me. I asked myself: What is this winter all about? I asked myself: What change is coming?”

Wintering

2. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön

When Things Fall Apart is a treasure trove of wisdom for continuing to live when we feel like we can’t go on. The book is based on a series of talks that Pema Chödrön gave between 1987 and 1994, as one of the most beloved of contemporary American spiritual authors among Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.

On Reddit, swayybe wrote, “Non-fiction and so so beautiful. I read it when my depression was at its peak. It’s not a magical fix for depression, but it was like a warm and loving hug and I felt so validated reading it.”

3. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Reasons to Stay Alive is one of the best books for when you’re depressed and feel like everything is hopeless. It’s accessible and easy to read, but most of all, it’s relatable. I shared some of the main takeaways from the book here, including reminders that bad days come in degrees, and that depression isn’t you but rather something that happens to you.

“Depression is also smaller than you. Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky but – if that is the metaphor – you are the sky. You were there before it. And the cloud can’t exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud.”

Reasons to Stay Alive

4. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

The Midnight Library is Matt Haig’s most popular fictional book, and it’s one of my top recommendations to read on the days when you feel like giving up. It’s ultimately about a woman trying to find her own reasons to stay alive, and following her healing journey can be transforming for you as the reader, too. A quick warning: the book does start out dark, but if you can handle this, it’s one of the most beautiful books to help you feel grateful and hopeful about life.

At the stroke of midnight on her last day on earth, Nora finds herself transported to a library. There she is given the chance to undo her regrets and try out each of the other lives she might have lived. Which leaves her with the all-important question: what is the best way to live?

5. The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert

Often recommended by therapists, The Compassionate Mind is about learning to have compassion for yourself. Self-soothing is a really important skill, especially on the hardest days, but often one we don’t get taught. When you’re feeling hopeless and life is hard, try to focus on being kind to yourself – this book will help you to get there.

6. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Meditations is probably the oldest self-help book you can get your hands on, and it’s still one of the best two thousand years later. It’s a guide to life and its challenges, including finding strength on the hardest days.

“Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.”

Meditations

7. The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down is an incredibly gentle, soothing book to read when everything feels hopeless in life. I owe a lot to this book – especially for how it helped me through a difficult breakup a few years ago. When I was learning how to just be without others, I came across the Kindle sample and immediately ordered the little hardback edition.

It’s not just about “how to be calm in a busy world”, it’s about how to live your life intentionally and with kindness, as the most mindful and balanced version of yourself.

8. Your Life in Bloom by Lucy Fuggle

When everything seems hopeless, it’s the most important time to remind yourself of the beauty and goodness in the world. This is what I wanted to share in my most recent book, Your Life in Bloom. Read it for a reminder that you will see the goodness in the world again, and that there is still beauty and hope around you, even if you can’t see it right now.

If you liked these book recommendations, you might also like my list of the best books for depression, as well as my collection of the best books to inspire big changes in your life.

The post 8 books to feel better with if you feel hopeless right now appeared first on Tolstoy Therapy.

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.”

Few things tear us apart like heartbreak. Sometimes it feels impossible to imagine a time when it doesn’t hurt to think of them… let alone imagine a time when you don’t think of them at all.

There are no quick ways to heal from a breakup and move on. Time and no contact are the only real strategies. But that said, while you’re working on those, there are lots of good books to read during a breakup to start guiding you back to yourself.

My last breakup was thankfully several years ago. As I wrote about in Mountain Song, my book about living alone by the Swiss Alps, I ended up reuniting with that person (and more recently, marrying them). But when I think about that breakup and others before, I still remember the pain that I thought would never end. And yet, it somehow did.

After my worst breakups, I sought out books to guide and comfort me, but also to remind me that I wasn’t the only person who had ever suffered from a broken heart. I read to remind myself that I would get through this – and even emerge stronger.

Here are some of the best books to read when you’re going through a breakup and your heart is broken. Treat yourself to one or two books that stand out, give yourself a day of self-care to soak in their wisdom, and allow yourself double the kindness and patience you think you need. Things will get easier. I promise.

8 of the best books to read after a breakup to start healing

1. The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down is one of the books that helped me to put the pieces of my life together during my last breakup. It’s a book of such gentle comfort, kindness, and wisdom, accompanied by stunning illustrations.

It’s a lovely guide not just to romantic relationships, but to approaching life with an open heart, kindness, and curiosity.

“When trust is shattered, when hopes are dashed, when a loved one leaves you, before doing anything, just pause your life and rest a moment. Surround yourself with close friends and share food and drink. Watch a silly movie. Find a song that speaks to your heart. Go somewhere you’ve always said you wanted to go – the Grand Canyon, the Camino de Santiago, Machu Picchu. All by yourself. Just you and the road. After spending time alone, go to your own sacred space. Close your eyes and clear your mind. Invoke the heart of compassion and feel the embrace of acceptance. Downcast and heartbroken, I know you were once me and I was once you. So today, I pray for you.”

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down

2. How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh

I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from How to Love. In this little book from Thich Nhat Hanh’s “How to” series, learn from the master of mindfulness not just how to heal from a breakup, but how to open your heart and cultivate thriving relationships.

On a particularly hard day during my last breakup, I bought myself a small, pretty-patterned notebook and spent a morning filling it with the quotes that resonated with me from How to Love and The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down. It became my guidebook for feeling better.

“It’s important that loving another person doesn’t take priority over listening to yourself and knowing what you need.”

How to Love

3. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

If you haven’t read The Midnight Library yet, recovering from a breakup is a good time to change that. It’s a book about the infinite number of directions a life can take: all of the people we can end up with, the careers we can pursue, the trips that can change us, and the individuals we become.

It’s a book about regret, but also about the inevitability of regret in any life. We will never know what’s on the road we don’t take or in the life that doesn’t work out.

“We can’t tell if any of those other versions would of been better or worse. Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on.”

The Midnight Library

4. Circe by Madeline Miller

In a Reddit thread about how to get over an ex and feel like yourself again, user mostly_drowning recommended Circe, sharing that: “it helped me cope with loneliness and it is an overall poignant and compelling read. Can’t recommend it enough.”

This is Madeline Miller’s first novel, a bestselling and spellbinding book about the daughter of the sun god Helios, who’s banished to the remote and wild island of Aiaia after disobeying the gods. Alone (mostly) in confinement, Circe rebuilds her life – and finds more strength than she could have believed was possible.

“I had told myself that when he was away I would do all the things I had set aside for sixteen years. I would work at my spells from dawn until dusk, dig up roots and forget to eat, harvest the withy stems and weave baskets till they piled to the ceiling. It would be peaceful, the days drifting by. A time of rest.”

Circe

5. You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, or Death by Louise Hay and David Kessler

In You Can Heal Your Heart, self-help bestseller Louise Hay and grief and loss expert David Kessler explore how we can heal from grief and rediscover peace, including after a breakup. On Reddit, user g00d-gir1 describes it as “a game changer on how to look at past relationships”.

“‘Our thinking creates our experiences,’ she began. ‘That doesn’t mean the loss didn’t happen or that the grief isn’t real. It means that our thinking shapes our experience of the loss.’”

You Can Heal Your Heart

6. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb

In Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, therapist Lori Gottlieb shares the story of when she realised that she was in desperate need of therapy herself: after an unexpected breakup left her feeling lost and devastated. As Gottlieb explores the inner lives of her patients, she finds that the questions they’re struggling with are the very ones she is now bringing to her own therapist.

In a thread about books for breakups on Reddit, aspiringpsychologist shared about Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: “It really helped me through my own break up. I felt like there was so much to relate to and it felt so cathartic.”

“Relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to lives on somewhere inside you. Your past lovers, your parents, your friends, people both alive and dead (symbolically or literally)–all of them evoke memories, conscious or not.”

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

7. The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

I recommended The Course of Love to a friend today, which is what made me think of writing this post. I’ve encouraged so many people to read the novel in the last few years. It should be required reading, really. It’s fantastic.

The Course of Love is philosopher Alain de Botton’s fictional, philosophical, and psychological exploration of what happens after the birth of love, what it takes to maintain, and what happens to our original ideals under the pressures of an average existence.

“Pronouncing a lover ‘perfect’ can only be a sign that we have failed to understand them. We can claim to have begun to know someone only when they have substantially disappointed us.“

The Course of Love

8. Your Life in Bloom by Lucy Fuggle

This is the book I wrote during a period of depression and a turning point in my work during the pandemic. I was also coming to terms with saying goodbye to people who had meant a lot to me. I wanted to remind myself how I had navigated heartbreak in the past – and how I would again.

It’s a short little book full of musings on finding your way. I hope it can bring you some comfort if you’re going through a breakup and putting the pieces of your life back together.

“When you’re waiting for that person to call and they don’t. When you want them to miss you and you’re the only one suffering. When you’re tearing yourself apart for someone who will never know how much it hurts. Feel the depths of it all and look across the shore for what’s on the other side: your peace, love, and joy. Every heartbreak is for something. Each time you reach a new low, you find your next phoenix moment; your chance to emerge stronger and more courageously vibrant than ever before. Know it’s coming.”

Your Life in Bloom by Lucy Fuggle

The post 8 of the best books to read during a breakup to heal your heart appeared first on Tolstoy Therapy.

We keep hearing that it’s a time to reassess the “normal” we go back to. But equally, it’s a powerful moment to think about our power to create change and build stronger frameworks for how we live, love, and express ourselves.

That can mean using our voices and making what we want to exist in the world. Choosing how we spend our days, how we run businesses, and how we love and support others. Creating our own utopia.

That may be on a small scale, but it’s some of the most important work we can do. Having the personal realisation that things don’t have to stay the same is huge.

I’ve always looked to books to find courage, reassurance, and a nudge to take action. Here are some I’ve been turning to lately for lessons on courage, bravery, and creating change in my own life.

1. Letter To My Daughter by Maya Angelou

“I gave birth to one child, a son, but I have thousands of daughters,” writes Maya Angelou. “You are Black and White, Jewish and Muslim, Asian, Spanish speaking, Native Americans and Aleut. You are fat and thin and pretty and plain, gay and straight, educated and unlettered, and I am speaking to you all. Here is my offering to you.”

Letter to My Daughter is Maya Angelou’s genre-transcending guidebook, memoir, and gift for all of us to live well and craft a life with meaning.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

2. Playing Big by Tara Mohr

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of inner work to play bigger and speak up in my life and work. That’s meant looking back to my years of shyness and insecurities, understanding the triggers behind it, and getting clear on what is still hanging around.

Playing Big is one book I read several years ago that helped to break my habit of hiding and keeping myself invisible. Showing both my successes and my weaknesses doesn’t come naturally, but I’ve come to realise this: the more uncomfortable you feel about sharing your voice, the more impactful it will be.

“The costs of women’s self-doubt are enormous. Think of all the ideas unshared, businesses not started, important questions not raised, talents unused. Think of all the fulfillment and joy not experienced because self-doubt keeps us from going for the opportunities that would bring that joy and fulfillment. This is the bad news around women’s self-doubt: how pervasive it is, and how much has been lost because of it.”

3. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

As I write this post, I’m thinking of the racial tensions and injustices across the Atlantic that are a mirror for much of the world.

As in many other places, it’s clear that there has never been a true foundation of equality in the U.S. With no better example to roll back to, a new way of doing and being is called for, with more voices rallying together – many of which have never done so before.

This is the classic book about courage and standing up for underrepresented voices.

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”

4. Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver

Prodigal Summer quickly joined my list of all-time favourite books. Barbara Kingsolver’s writing is baggy and often ambles leisurely around what is barely a plot, but I adore it.

While Flight Behavior didn’t grab me in quite the same way as Prodigal Summer, it makes a better addition to this list.

Dellarobia Turnbow is a restless farm wife who gave up her own plans when she became pregnant at seventeen. As we open the novel, we find her on the cusp of ruining the marriage and life she’s found herself in for a younger man she barely knows. But as she hikes up the mountain road to meet him, she finds what looks like a mountain of fire.

With guilt already hanging heavy, she can only understand this as a cautionary miracle. She flees back to the farm, and what follows sparks a raft of other explanations from scientists, religious leaders, and the media.

It’s a book about the delicate balance between humankind and nature, but it’s also about using our voices and reassessing how things are done.

“Mistakes wreck your life. But they make what you have. It’s kind of all one. You know what Hester told me when we were working the sheep one time? She said it’s no good to complain about your flock, because it’s the put-together of all your past choices.”

5. Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

“Making a company is a great way to improve the world while improving yourself,” writes Derek Sivers. This is my favourite business book, but it’s also informed the philosophy behind how I choose to live: to make beautiful things and share what I know.

When you make a company, you make a utopia. It’s where you design your perfect world.

6. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Man’s Search for Meaning is a tough book to read, but an important one. On the one hand, it teaches us to look head-on at the suffering in the world and the people who cause it, rather than keeping quiet.

But on the other, it also shows us that nothing is ever totally lost – better than any other book I’ve read. Frankl reminds us to look for the sunsets, the glimmers of hope, and the strength and love that remains in the world during the hardest moments.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

7. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

As with the Harry Potter universe and other awe-inspiring fantasy worlds, my love for Tolkien’s writing is two-fold: I love the universe that he created, but I equally adore the work and focus he put into creating that universe.

When creating his mythos, Tolkien first created its languages, starting with what he originally called “Qenya”, the first primitive form of Elvish. What surrounds it is a world detailed enough to guide us across the border from our own reality and hold us deep inside it. What could be more affirming of our power to design, imagine, and create?

“Courage is found in unlikely places.”

8. How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh

After all, one of the most courageous things we can do is love. That starts with ourselves.

“Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.”

The post 8 books about courage to help us craft and change our worlds appeared first on Tolstoy Therapy.

As a teenager I worked in my village bookshop; a tiny little shop stacked floor to ceiling with books, its shelves overflowing onto every table and windowsill. I loved working there. I’d track down rare books for customers and process purchases when they came into the shop.

My job was also to recommend books. We all had go-to recommendations: mine leaned towards the classics, while the bookshop owner always recommended Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.

Somehow I never read the book back then. I really should have, though.

“According to Shiva, life is in the end about fixing holes. Shiva didn’t speak in metaphors. fixing holes is precisely what he did. Still, it’s an apt metaphor for our profession. But there’s another kind of hole, and that is the wound that divides family. Sometimes this wound occurs at the moment of birth, sometimes it happens later. We are all fixing what is broken. It is the task of a lifetime. We’ll leave much unfinished for the next generation.”

Cutting for Stone tells the tale of two identical twins, Shiva and Marion, who are conjoined until birth but remain “ShivaMarion” throughout life, even after bitter betrayal separates them.

Marion is our narrator of Cutting for Stone, who sets the scene in Addis Ababa’s Missing Hospital (a mispronunciation of “Mission Hospital”). He opens the novel with these first lines:

“After eight months spent in the obscurity of our mother’s womb, my brother, Shiva, and I came into the world in the late afternoon of the twentieth of September in the year of grace 1954. We took our first breaths at an elevation of eight thousand feet in the thin air of Addis Ababa, capital city of Ethiopia…”

It’s a big book at 534 pages and in the ground it covers; from beginning to end, it spans lifetimes, including countless personal, national and international upheavals in those years.

I loved reading Cutting for Stone for a few reasons. I loved how it celebrates knowledge, learning, and especially, medicine. I loved it for the non-traditional home that Shiva and Marion grow up in (“Wasn’t that the definition of home? Not where you are from, but where you are wanted.”)

I loved it for how it made me think about my own life and work. If you want to consider switching careers to medicine, read this for a little push. I had a not-insignificant career crisis while reading this book, lamenting how I could be using my brain for more impactful work.

For me, books that bring up feelings like these are among the very best; causing you to question your life and start making real changes, whether it’s pivoting your career, making changes to look after your body better, or improving relationships and leaving negative ones.

I loved getting to know its characters, not because they’re excellent role models – they have many unappealing moments, especially in the second third of the book – but because they’re so flawed. Not one character is perfect or blameless.

Although the book starts off slow, by the halfway point I knew it was going to be one of my all-time favourites. If there’s a formula for a perfect novel, Abraham Verghese nails it with Cutting for Stone.

“God will judge us, Mr. Harris, by–by what we did to relieve the suffering of our fellow human beings. I don’t think God cares what doctrine we embrace.”

The post Cutting for Stone is a book I should have read years ago appeared first on Tolstoy Therapy.

When I was struggling through a breakup, I came across the Kindle sample and immediately ordered the little hardback edition.

I then gave it to a friend, and another friend, and reread it myself. Someone saw the book on my desk at work and quickly bought herself a copy (it’s a beautiful book and sells itself very easily).

It’s not just about how to slow down and be calm in a busy world. It’s about how to live your life intentionally and be the most balanced version of yourself. It’s about joy, relationships, loving ourselves, work, and finding purpose. It’s about the ups and downs of life.

If you’re struggling with something right now, you’ll probably come across some Buddhist wisdom that matches exactly what you need in this book. That’s my kind of book.

Two readers of the blog, Sandra and Željka, have also recommended Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection, Haemin Sunim’s following book. I love Susan Cain’s early review:

“The world could surely use a little more love, a little more compassion, and a little more wisdom. In Love for Imperfect Things, Haemin Sunim shows us how to cultivate all three, and to find beauty in the most imperfect of things–including your very own self.”

A guide to self-care and accepting ourselves with more lovely illustrations like The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down? Yes, please.

For now, I’ve shared some of my favourite quotes and takeaways from Haemin Sunim’s first book. I hope they can bring you some comfort and kindness.

Some favourite quotes from The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down:

When you’re hurt…

“Don’t struggle to heal your wounds. Just pour time into your heart and wait. When your wounds are ready, they will heal on their own.”

When you’re worried about what people think…

“Stop worrying about what others think and just do what your heart wishes. Do not crowd your mind with “what ifs”. Uncomplicate your life and own up to your desires. Only when you are happy can you help to make the world a happier place.”

 “Instead of worrying what others think of you, devote yourself to your dreams.”

When things fall apart…

“When trust is shattered, when hopes are dashed, when a loved one leaves you, before doing anything, just pause your life and rest a moment. Surround yourself with close friends and share food and drink. Watch a silly movie. Find a song that speaks to your heart. Go somewhere you’ve always said you wanted to go – the Grand Canyon, the Camino de Santiago, Machu Picchu. All by yourself. Just you and the road. After spending time alone, go to your own sacred space. Close your eyes and clear your mind. Invoke the heart of compassion and feel the embrace of acceptance. Downcast and heartbroken, I know you were once me and I was once you. So today, I pray for you.”

When you need more love…

“When love is drying up in your life, look for the beauty around you. That is where love can be found.”

When you’re forgetting about yourself…

“You are so eager to help your friends, but you treat yourself so poorly. Stroke your heart once in a while.”

Read this book for: taking good care of yourself, relaxing, looking inwards, slowing down, and being kinder to yourself and others.

You can get a copy of The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down here. You might also like Thich Nhat Hanh’s timeless advice on how to love yourself and others.

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Tara Westover was brought up in the mountains of Idaho, where her family prepared for the end of the world by stockpiling home-canned peaches, guns, fuel and packing “head-for-the-hills” bags. Instead of school, she helped her mother, a midwife and healer, to brew and sell herbal remedies. She also salvaged metal in her father’s junkyard with her brothers, which led to burns, breaks, gashes, and concussions and were treated herbally at home, with few exceptions.

Homeschooling is a very loose term for her early education – self-education seems more applicable – but Tara’s older brother, Tyler, got into college and came back to tell his siblings of the world beyond the mountain. If you stood out like a sore (bookish) thumb in your family too, I expect you will like this quote:

Tara followed in his footsteps: she self-taught enough mathematics, grammar, and science to take the ACT, retake it, and then be admitted to Brigham Young University. There, she studied psychology, politics, philosophy, and history, and came to terms with how she had had never learned about pivotal world events like the Holocaust and the Civil Rights Movement.

She needed a near-perfect GPA to qualify for scholarships and be able to continue studying, and she succeeded. What started off as financial help turned into further academic opportunity, and she was accepted for a programme at Cambridge University. This was followed by a Ph.D. at Cambridge, with a brief stint at Harvard.

Educated is a book about learning against the odds. It reminded me of the joy of learning, but learning doesn’t exactly come across as a joy in the book. It is more of a compulsion; a literal path to escape that’s about the destination, not the journey. This isn’t a surprise, really, considering what the Westover siblings had to escape from. Tara’s upbringing featured countless instances of emotional and physical abuse, and it seemed to be a similar story for her siblings.

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Despite experiencing unimaginable hardship during the Holocaust, Viktor Frankl describes in Man’s Search for Meaning how he was able to admire the beauty of a sunset like never before:

If someone had seen our faces on the journey from Auschwitz to a Bavarian camp as we beheld the mountains of Salzburg with their summits glowing in the sunset, through the little barred windows of the prison carriage, he would never have believed that those were the faces of men who had given up all hope of life and liberty.

This experience links to Viktor Frankl’s concept of logotherapy, a treatment literally meaning “therapy through meaning” that is based on the premise that we are motivated by an inner pull to find a meaning in life. Essentially, life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones.

I find it interesting that in Tolstoy’s War and Peace, Pierre Bezukhov has a similar experience to Frankl when he is falsely imprisoned for arson. One morning, Pierre recognises the awe of,

a sudden glint of light in the east followed by the sun’s rim rising majestically from behind a cloud, and the domes and crosses, the hoar-frost, the horizon and the river all merrily sparkling in the new light

Despite his captivity, Pierre develops an awareness of his self and surroundings in contrast with his earlier absentmindedness and desire for distraction. As a result, he is able to recognise the beauty of nature around him. This leads to “a new surge of strength and vitality, the like of which he had never known before”, which only expands “as the hardships of his plight had gone on increasing”.

As Andrew Kaufman describes in Give War and Peace a Chance,

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My favourite translation by Anthony Briggs and published by Penguin.

A fortnight ago I submitted my undergraduate dissertation, which consisted of eight thousand words on Pierre Bezukhov’s transformation from “absolute scoundrel” to “a man of such value to society” in Tolstoy’s War and Peace. My argument: Pierre does not reach perfection, but rather a state of increased self-knowledge that comes from failures, false starts and poor decisions.

It was a lot of fun to research and put the essay together, and I’ve gathered several quotes and snippets of interestingness that I look forward to sharing here.

One particular point of the novel that we can mull over is Pierre’s captivity after he is falsely accused of arson. Pierre’s old life is quickly stripped away, and he realises that his family name and status now mean nothing. He undergoes weeks of hardship and witnesses a series of executions, only realising at the final moment that he has been taken there as a spectator.

However, as George R. Clay recognises in Tolstoy’s Phoenix, it is during this challenging time that Pierre “exchanges his former absent-mindedness and chronic despair for ‘a feeling of alertness and readiness for anything’”, calling Pierre’s experience a great “realignment of aspirations” (60).

As Pierre contemplates after he returns home,

‘Everybody says that adversity means suffering’, said Pierre. ‘But if you asked me now, at this moment, whether I wanted to stay as I was before I was taken prisoner, or go through it all again, my God, I’d sooner be a prisoner and eat horse-meat again. We all think we only have to be knocked a little bit off course and we’ve lost everything, but it’s only the start of something new and good. Where there is life, there is happiness. There is a huge amount yet to come.’ (1247)

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When you keep hearing a book be praised by complete strangers, I think you have to readjust your reading list accordingly.

I Am Pilgrim is a superb book, and I think the Guardian have it right when they say that it is “the only thriller you need to read this year”.

It’s a debut, surprisingly, written by an author born in my home county in the South East of England, Sussex. Terry Hayes’s credentials do much to explain his achievement with I Am Pilgrim, however: he write the screenplay for Road Warrior/Mad Max 2 alongside a large number of other films and TV series.

What happens in I Am Pilgrim

This novel is the perfect fit for cinema. It tells the story of Pilgrim, a codename for a man who doesn’t exist. He’s the adopted son of a wealthy American family, once headed up a secret espionage unit for US intelligence, and wrote the definitive book on forensic criminal investigation before retiring from the ‘secret world’.

However, when somebody uses his book to commit the perfect crime, Pilgrim is pulled back to his anonymous career and all the danger it entails. Tracked down by NYPD detective Ben Bradley, Pilgrim is confronted with a textbook murder in a rundown New York hotel which combines the most challenging aspects of all the crimes he has ever been confronted with.

The plot develops, and Pilgrim is left to solve a deeper crime of international importance. Caught between the mysteries of an American hotel room murder, a suspicious suicide on the Turkish coast, and the journey of an extremist from a public beheading in Saudi Arabia to creating a deadly virus, this is no simple thriller. The separate plots swell and entwine, and we’re left to make our own calculations while following the impressive deductions of Pilgrim.

I had got up in the morning and by the time I was ready for bed it was a different planet—the world doesn’t change in front of your eyes; it changes behind your back.

– Pilgrim on 9/11, a sentiment so many of us can relate to

Read it for the main character (especially if you like Jason Bourne)

If you pick up I Am Pilgrim for one reason, do it for the main character. Pilgrim – otherwise known as Scott Murdoch, Jude Garrett and Peter Campbell (try not to think of Mad Men…) – may be anonymous to the world, but he isn’t to the reader. We’re fully exposed to his brilliant intelligence, including a psychology degree from Harvard and the rare ability to get to the raw truth of a crime.

However, we’re also privy to his very human weaknesses. Pilgrim is left with much unsaid after his adopted father passes away, and many a reader can relate to his feelings of regret which make closure seem impossible. Also, we’re all too aware of the character’s desire for love and normality in a lifestyle that makes both impossible.

If you enjoyed the Jason Bourne series, both in book and film, you may well like I Am Pilgrim too, especially when it comes to the outstanding yet vulnerable male protagonist. My favourite elements of the book include Pilgrim’s search for normality in Paris, his writing as a way to find closure, and the comfort he finds in both the written and spoken word.

The wisdom from a Buddhist monk that “if you want to be free, all you have to do is let go” unexpectedly affects the decisions of both Pilgrim and those he passes the phrase onto. Similarly, a reference to the Gospel of St Mark, chapter sixteen, verse six, provides strength when it is most needed. Pilgrim writes, “even if you are not a believer, the words are still very beautiful”.

I Am Pilgrim is the perfect book to binge-read – and, perhaps, one of the best thrillers ever written.

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